So you're in a Self insert? A writers guide
by Empeorie
Summary: We've all done it. Wanted to write a Self insert. But how do you be original, creative and actually get some reviews? Read on future writers to find out. Now accepting tips for sequal.
1. Chapter 1

_**So your in a Mass Effect Self insert**_

Well. You've come to that time in every fan fic writers life when, after reading the latest chapter of your favourite Self insert you thought "I can totally do that myself!" Well, I know I did!

In this instructional guide I will cover both how a poorly hidden fictionalised version of you can survive in Mass Effect. Then I will detail what the writer must do to make the Fan Fic successful... Ish.

**So, you stuck in Mass Effect. A characters guide.**

All righty. First some basic questions:

Where are you?

a. Citadel: Do yourself a favour and get yourself a translator quickly. Also, sell your 21st century stuff to make a quick pound or two.

b. Eden Prime: Okay, don't panic, just hide the hell away from any Geth and don't get killed.

Horizon: Your fucked. Try to get off their as fast as you can.

Omega: Good news! Your in a noir Fic. Follow instructions as if you were on the Citadel but remember. This is serious. Act moody and whine that everyone you love is dead.

E. Earth: Just get on with your life. Join a street gang or something cause there is no way your getting off that rock.

When are you?

A.2000: Dude, your practilly in the present. How can you tell your in Mass Effect any way?

B.2010: Shut up. Nothing happened to you!

C.2150's: Enjoy the First contact war. Say hi to such lovable characters as young Illusive man and Saren Arterious.

D. 2160's: Boring period. Nothing really happens. Your going to be what, like forty by Mass effect one, so try to become the Illusive man or the Shadow Broker to keep yourself entertained.

E. 2170's: See above.

F. 2181: 2 years before Mass Effect. A popular destination if you ever need just enough time to train and kick some ass. Also, invest your shares wisely.

G. 2182: Cutting it quite fine for time but still enough for a least one montage/ Time skip.

H. 2183:Get your ass to saving a squad mate. It's the only way your get on Shepard's crew.

I. 2184: Hey, sorry but you missed Mass Effect one. Still on time to train for Mass Effect two though.

J.2185: If you are in this year your writer has probably only played Mass Effect two. Try to save a squad mates life or something.

K. 2186: Not a freaking clue. Good luck.

How did you get there?:

A. Dying: Great news! Your writer has seen Ashes to Ashes or Life on Mars (Spoilers) and you are dead. So, no mystery there. Prepare for angst as you realise that you can't get back. This sensation will go away after roughly 14 chapters.

B. Xbox Live/ PSN/ Internet: Cliché as hell. But don't worry, there is escape from your story as usually ones that start like this sure as hell never finish satisfactorily.

C. Biotics: Hey, someone from the future wants you there. Good news, since they can travel through time and alternate universes they can clearly be a powerful ally in stopping the Reapers and any problems. If they fail, then just hop back a few seconds in time. Right?

D. Haven't a clue: Okay two options: 1. Writer doesn't care. Good, your story will be over in less then 6 chapters due to negative reviews about spelling and grammar. 2. Mystery: You will find out by the end. There will be clues and the reader can put it together about 3 chapters before the writer confirms it.

Finally, some basic tips for survival. Never attempt to change history for your benefit due to the simple negative correlation of Energy spent trying to improve universe and success at improving the universe. In layman's terms, don't try, good stuff happen. Also, if you are male, there is a 95% chance that the person you romance will be Tali. If there are more then one person in your self insert group, then it is almost certain. Finally, don't worry, you are the writers thinly veiled version of him/ her self. You will not die. Unless they are a particularly angsty teenage girl.

**Tips for writers: **In the last part of this Guide we covered tips for the self insert. But what about the god of this own mini universe the writer. Here are some extremely useful tips on how to write a successful Self Insert:

Be funny. This can not be stressed enough. At the end of the day 95% of the readers of FanFiction want to be entertained. They don't want your philosophy on the futility of life you stole off the back of a Textbook. They want witty humour. Subversions of Clichés, References to popular culture and more..

Plot. However, after a while readers will want some kind of intellectual stimulation, they want gripping tales and new ideas. They want to like your character. They want to care what happens to the universe. Make sure you can offer that.

Spelling and Grammer: Simple test, what was spelt wrong in this story? If you worked it out, then you don't need much help. If however you spotted nothing, then actually have a dictionary by your side as you write the story and have someone else, preferably someone you can spell, spell check it for you.

Description. Please please please never write "Can't think of a description, just read!" This will piss off and deter any readers from even attempting this story. Write something short and to the point, write like a advert for a TV show. For example: "In a world gone mad, only a lunatic is truly insane. Charles Morgan is that man."

Read TV tropes. This website is one of the most important tools for a writer. Not only does it describe in detail certain repeated elements of fiction are and how to use them, but particularly good works will have a article on their. I know two Mass Effect self inserts with articles, Mass Vexations and Masses to Masses. Read them. It can help you be original and write well.

The title. A unofficial law of all Mass Effect self inserts is that the title absolutely must be a pun of the words "Mass" or "Effect". Follow this and you will increase readership my 60%.

Shipping/Romances. Finally, gone are the days when a self insert could romance Tali un ironically. Now readers want exciting and surprising romances. Why not Jack, who gets the least love in Shipping/romance. Or a minor character like Kal reegar or more. Be original.

I hope these instructional Tips have been useful to your future/present career of a self insert writer. Good luck and you'll probably see me reviewing your story in the future.

**Empeorie, were done here. **


	2. Chapter 2

_**So you're in a Self insert? A writers guide**_

_**Chapter two- Writing styles and OC's**_

Welcome to the second chapter of this informative guide to writing Mass Effect Self inserts.

Lets start with how to write:

Unlike one-shots almost all Mass Effect SI's are written from a first person perspective. Mainly from the SI. However, what to do from their can be extremely varied. For example, **present first person:**

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"We can't leave them behind!" I shout at Shepard.

"I'm sorry BLANKITY BLANK BLANK, but they are already dead." She replies. No, I didn't arrive in this universe to end up being just as helpless at saving a persons life. They deserve to live dammit!

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**Past First Person**

"We can't leave them behind!" I shouted at Shepard.

"I'm sorry BLANKITY BLANK BLANK, but they are already dead." She replied. I remember thinking that I could've saved them. I should have made a difference and I did nothing.

* * *

**Present Second Person**

"We can't leave them behind!" You shout at Shepard.

"I'm sorry, but they are already dead." She replies. You think back to why you are hear. That perhaps you could have made a difference on their lives and saved them.

* * *

**Present First Person (Alternate perspective)**

"We can't leave them behind!" Shouts Blankity blank blank.

"I'm sorry, but they are all ready dead." I say calmly. I have accepted their sacrifice, why can't Blankity accept it to?

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**Past 3rd person**

"We can't leave them behind!" Shouted Blankity blank blank, who was hoping that he could have made a difference and saved their lives.

"I'm sorry, but they are already dead." Replies Shepard calmly. She had accepted their sacrifice. She wondered why Blankity couldn't accept it too.

* * *

These Perspectives change not just how the story is read and written but how it works, a past perspective can add foreshadowing (Referencing future events in the story.) Whilst a Present Tense can add their immediate thoughts on events and can be more humorous or shocking.

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**How to write your Self insert character:**

When writing your self insert, there are a few things you need to think over first, for example;

Are they based on you? If yes, you already know a lot about them and how they would react to events in the story.

Where were they born/raised? This can affect how they talk, their opinions on certain things and their back story.

Tragic past? Okay. This is a biggy. Being an orphan may be a quick way to explain why a child character is so mature, excited about being in Mass Effect and a great source for angst BUT a orphan being an orphan for the sake of the story is easily spotted and a big cliché. Think of other reasons or the better don't have child characters.

* * *

**Subsection**

**Mary Sues**

Ah. These are the worst kind of OC's possible. These are characters usually created by the writer who absolutely dominate the story for flimsy reasons, can be related to main characters, Steal the spotlight from cannon characters (Characters in the original work of fiction), over powered and as such may develop "Super Powers" with no basis in the story or in reality, are treated as the embodiment of perfection and are on all the characters minds.

**How to spot if you're character/ A character is a Mary Sue**

A. Child. A common element of Mary Sues are the fact they are FAR to young for the job they are performing or to have romances with the main characters. Not always a sign and there are many subversions but a definite factor of a Mary Sue.

B. Talked about. Having a character make the odd reference to your SI is not a crime. Having every character wonder where on earth they could be every time they aren't around them is a crime against literature.

C. Powers. Giving your SI super powers is a hugely risky thing. Especially if it makes no sense for them to have it or they suddenly gain powers as the plot demands it.

D. Romance. If every single cannon character of the authors sexuality suddenly develops love at first sight for the SI then you have a SI on your hands. Love at first sight is rare enough in real life, happening to everyone the SI meets is suspect.

E. Deaths. In real life everyone has to deal with people they don't like. Hell, a huge part of growing up is dealing with the fact not everyone likes you and how to act maturely about that. Not for Mary Sues it isn't. They can just kill off the character they don't like or turn them into out right villains for the flimsy reason that they are some of the few people that don't adore the ground the SI walks on. Why not write them better or just deal with it?

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**Interesting SI's: How to write them:**

So, if you have gone over those hurdles and have written as balanced SI the next step is to make them interesting. Here are some tips:

Descriptions: Contrary to what some people may think, most readers do not care about how amazing your character looks, keep all descriptions to a minimum and the reader will come up with an conclusion on how good they look on their own.

Uniqueness: No one really wants to read about how a mild mannered accountant ends up in Mass Effect and proceeds to work out the Normandy's Budget (But if anyone writes that as a fic then I would read it for a laugh.) They want funny people with interesting lives, personality's and jobs. A good step would be to make them have an accent. This simple thing really makes reading your characters dialogue an unique experience. Make them be things that most people aren't. Take for instance "Art …..." From the popular Fic "Mass Vexations." He is a composer of classical (Kinda.) music. This is a key part of his life and personality, leading to many musical in jokes and references to operas (Personally I'm a Gilbert and Sullivan man but whatever). Or "Ian Shaw" From "Masses to Masses." He's a British (Yay!) Lawyer you becomes a C-sec cop. That makes an intelligent and savvy character. Compared to an mild mannered accountant that is a big difference and unique.

How they talk: Give your character an obnoxious catch phrase. Whilst it may annoy some readers a tiny bit it separates them from the boring characters. Also, this is up to your opinion, but make them slightly hammy (Like BRIAN BLESSED! Or Shatner.). Saying "NO MAN WOMEN OR CHILD SHALL BE LEFT BEHIND WHEN BLANKITY BLANK BLANK IS HERE!" then "Let's save as many people as possible." However, do not emphasise every single thing they say, or it will be pointless and you will have to use all lower caps to make things stand out.

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**What kind of story are you writing and how to write it:**

**Humour: **Add plenty of shout outs (References) to other pieces of fiction, lampshade (Parody) certain literature techniques of Fan Fiction and never, ever forget to add jokes.

**Mystery: **Remember to use an internal monologue, mentally discuss every thing and describe all important details.

**Dark/ Angst: **Not my personal preference but remember not to go over board with the self deprecation and never use "Humans are bastards" as a reason for angst. All Races in the Galaxy are as bad in many ways as each other and we are not the only species to kill our own or "Ruin the planet."

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**Epilogue:**

Well that is all the hints I am going to cover in this chapter. I hope I have been informative to any first time writers and cleaver and useful to any veterans of the trade. Please don't forget to read the best of the best of Self inserts for inspiration and to check out TV Tropes for information. (P.S. Any fans of "Into the Fire." Bale 626 Wants You to add an article on their. Please go ahead.")

**Suggestions for Fan Fics:**

**Mass Vexations: **The original and one of the best, the Grand father to the genre. A must read.

**Masses to Masses: **The next best, with great characterizations and plot, with original ideas, another must read.

**Into the Fire V2: **Another of the big 3. Adds various Famous Fan Fic writers themselves into Mass Effect. A Funny and good fic.

**Team Milky Way: **Personal Preference. Not a hugely well known Fic and rarely updates any more but various smart ideas, original romances and Teenage characters done right!

**Mass & Energy: **My fic, just put it here for self publicity but definitely deserves a read. Short and fairly funny.

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**Empeorie Were done here...**


	3. Chapter 3

_**So you're in a self insert? A writers guide**_

_**.**_

My my, we are at the final chapter of this guide. But that means that there is still much more to learn my readers, so lets dive in:

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**A gimmick:**

**.**

I hate to say it. But if you want your story to be read, you are going to need one now a days. But what should it be, and what is a gimmick?

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A gimmick is a unique factor or hook about something that draws in an audience. They don't have to be original or revolutionary, but for many stories they have to be there. You're probably going to ask why? Let me tell you. 80% of almost every Self insert is the same. You can't help that, because usually every character will join commander Shepard and follow through the games missions. There in lies the problem. The missions are all the same. It is unlikely there will be a twist that changes the story of Mass Effect, just your own characters tale. However, if you go on far to much of a tangent it can seem that the story is just a piece of original fiction with a bunch of Mass Effect characters thrown in. But there is a way to grab the readers attention and be somewhat unique: A gimmick.

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EXAMPLE:

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Mass to the future

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Marty Mcfly was an ordinary teenage boy. But then he ends up inside a video game of the future. Can he get Commander Shepard to destroy the Reapers, save his great great grand kids and get Back To Back to the Future! Gabby/Palin

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Massive Problem

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Edwin Hosenturgh has a problem. All through his life he heard everything as a musical. Then he ended up inside Mass Effect. Now he's stuck, and only Doctor Mordin Solus can save him and Fight off the Reapers. Mordin/Anderson

* * *

**Pop culture references, or how I learnt to stop worrying and love the quote**

**.**

No one has watched/ read/ played every single thing you have. You are unique it that way. This means then when you eventually add some Pop culture jokes, remember your audience. Remember that since people have played the game, they aren't always likely to get that Hizo Mktasi once said "Victory is winning!" in episode number 206 of "Neon Princess bubblegum Ramon X" Consider what the average player of Mass Effect has actually watched. For example:

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Back to the future

In a way the story from Back to the future is extremely similar to the average Self insert. Plus it has tonnes (That is how it is spelt!) of quotable dialogue in it that almost everyone remembers. You can't go wrong with "1.21 Giggawatts!"

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Halo

As the crossover section of Mass Effect proves, people like Halo. Me included. There are many similarity between the plots and both are Sci Fi games. Plus, Captain Anderson IS The Arbiter. You can't deny it. Example shout out: "I would have been your daddy, but the dog beat me over the fence!"

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Doctor Who

If you are British, you have probably seen at least one episode of Doctor Who. If you are American or otherwise and would consider yourself a geek, you probably seen it to. Example shout out: "I wear a bow tie now, bow ties are cool."

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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic:

Controversial with some men but that is about it. It is a hilarious and intelligent show with classic dialogue and a tonne of memes. You can't go wrong with at least one: "20% cooler."

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Star wars:

Everyone has seen it. Everyone.

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Simpsons / South Park

Simpsons did it. So can you.

* * *

**Songs: Can you hear me now?**

**.**

If for some reason, and believe me there had better be a good one, you consider putting in a song to your Fic, be careful. You must pick a classic well known song. No hipster crap. Especially no Emo songs. Sorry but most readers just don't care. And Rick Roll.

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Personal preference of songs:

Anything done by the Simpsons before season 11

Queen

Johnny Cash

Gilbert and Sullivan

Stuff off popular movies.

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Please note that if it is a song the reader doesn't know they will have no idea how the tune goes. Always consider your readers. Don't put in songs except when necessary or for humour.

* * *

**Slang, or "Whoa, that's heavy."**

**.**

Have you ever watched terminator two. Did you kinda hate John Conner's obnoxious 90s slang and attempts to be "Down with the kids." Almost any slang that doesn't set up a character will look like that to many readers. Imagine the dialogue coming from the mouth of Keanu Reeves stoned and if it sounds annoying don't put it in.

* * *

**Characters dialogue: The thin line between Funny and FU%E£NG offensive**

**.**

Do you remember Jah Jah Binks? Stupid question. Do you remember his annoying speech pattern. Many people took offence to the manner in which he talk (And the fact he looks like a Old offensive caricature of a Black Person) Well, almost any time you portray someone with a certain speech pattern someone will be somewhat rightfully offended. Quick quiz, are you offended by this?:

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"Iiiiii, caaaaannnnnn na na na spppppppeeeeeeakkkkk goooooooodddddddddd" Said the Retard.

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I hope so, it's harsh to people with stutters and mentally disabled people. No stutterer is a "retard" and not every mentally ill person speaks like that. Plus Retard IS offensive. Here is another example:

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"WHY U NO EAT RICE SON! U DISGRACE THE HONOR OF SHINOSBI" Shouted Kasumi. Then she squinted and watched Hentai.

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That is just plain racist. Please think before you write. Remember, not every British person is posh, not every American is Southern/ Texan/ A valley girl, Not every Frenchmen shout "SAC Le BLEU!", NO Germans say "Hiel Hitler" etc etc.

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We seem to have gone off topic, so lets have

* * *

**The Ending**

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Everything has to end, life, a revenue stream and your story. The question that plagues many is how to end it. Hear are types of endings:

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**The twist:**

"No John, you are the Demons!" Then John was a zombie.

When the last chapter changes the entire story and all it's characters. Good for one shots or Shyamalan.

Famous examples: The sixth sense.

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**The happy ending**

**.**

"I love you." Said the OC.

"I love you to." Said Tali as they watched the Earth being rebuilt.

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Good for the last installant or the first. Good if the readers if they care about the characters. You know the routine.

Famous Examples: Many Disney films.

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**The bitter-sweet**

**.**

"Well it's alive." Said Shepard.

"Was it worth it?" I asked. She paused.

"In the end." She replied.

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A hard thought victory, perhaps many had died to secure it. Perhaps the characters gave up so much, but in the end it is still good for the heroes.

Famous Examples: Halo 1,3 and Reach, I am Legend.

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**The Downer Ending**

"ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL."

"No!" Screamed Joker as Shepard collasped in pain.

"THIS PLATFORM IS MINE" Commanded Harbinger.

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The villains win, the heroes are dead or lost, and nothing anyone can do can change that.

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**The cliffhanger**

**.**

"I'm afraid this will be your last dance." Then he aimed his revolver.

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When the ending cuts out just as the situation turns dire. Excellent choice for the 2nd instalment in a trilogy.

Famous examples: Halo 2, Back to the future 2, first episode of any 2 parter of anything.

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* * *

**A Epilogue: By Empeorie**

I had no idea what would happen when I wrote this story 1½ months ago. I thought surely others have done a similar thing or maybe I'm giving completely the wrong clarifications and tips. Perhaps that is still right, but now I have plenty of readers to bring them up:

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Thank you to:

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Herr Wozzeck- For reading and reviewing this and for the creation of Mass Vexation.

Bale626: For reviewing, for Into the Fire and that I could help.

Inf3ctionz(Or however you spell it): For Masses to Masses

All my reviewers, my readers and the future fan fic writers, for making this worth it. Cheers.

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**And of course, if you haven't got it yet...**

**Emporie were done here**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Calling all readers!**_

What's this, a new chapter to "So you're in a self insert? A writers guide" Yes and No. I need you, the Mass effect community help with two things. They will be at the bottom of the page if you so wish to help me.

* * *

**A chapter guide:**

**The introductory chapter:**

This is important for all readers and writers. This is the chapter you create your characters, where you build you plot. Where you hook as many readers as possible. I've seen some good openers, and I've seen some god-awful ones. The difference is how you set up you're characters and what happens. The three ways that you can start are:

**In Media res:** This is when the story starts in a dramatic, actioney or exciting part of the story, usually later on, and then flips back to the start. This has the advantage of being one of the best ways to hook an audience, but leaves little room for characterization and when the reader gets to that part later on they may skip through it.

**The flashback: **We see into the early lives of our protagonists and discover what makes them tick. This has the advantage of easy and natural characterization but can put readers off by forcing them to give a shit too early on.

**The day in the life goes wrong: **The most common or "Garden" beginning for a Self insert is for them to go through an average day or wake up then arrive in Mass Effect. This is common for a reason as it allows good characterization, shows us the paradigm shifting event that is going into a video game and can set up a few Chekhov guns.

**The Culture Shock chapter:**

This is the part where the Self insert discovers the horror of being in a video game. Despite the temptation I would advise against setting this in the middle of a combat situation. Fill in as many culture shock jokes as possible and let the character earn some money or help another person. If you absolutely need a cameo before joining Shepard's crew now is the time to do it. Please refer to previous chapters as to when and how to do this.

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Carry on after a few chapters and you should get to the:

**Joining of Shepard's crew:**

These is context sensitive. If your self insert has joined before Mass Effect One they can not seem to eager to join Shepard's crew. He/She is not a well known figure and you will just come off like Conrad Verner. Make the transition as realistic as possible and remember the golden rule: **No Children are on the Normandy! **

If your Self insert has joined before Mass Effect Two then they will either need a reputation to be selected to be hired or have a connection to Cerberus/ One of the main characters.

**Virmire (Mass Effect One only):**

Ah. One of the greatest and soul wrenching parts in Video game history rewritten. Attempted many times. There are several ways this can pan out.

**The success: **

Using your characters knowledge of future events they are able to save everyone, bomb the place, not kill Wrex and come within an inch of stopping Saren then and then. I would not suggest this as it detracts from the main story and removes the best moment in the campaign.

**The try so hard:**

Your character tries so hard, laughs in the face of Sovereign itself and just saves Wrex. But some things never change. One person shall still die. This is an excellent way to approach the story as it shows that your character is trying to change things for the better but doesn't subtract from the atmosphere and the sadness.

**The utter failure**:

Sovereign out gambits you, Wrex is killed by Ashley, and someone, or maybe more, dies in the process. This is an excellent drama builder and can build the reapers as an actual threat which so many stories neglect to do the longer they run. However, this is kind of sad to see a bad-ass like Wrex die so do make some compromises.

* * *

**What not to write:**

There are some things that pisses readers off to the extreme. These are just a few:

**Please R&R (Read & Review):** This is absolutely hated by any reader. This phrase turns the once kind an helpful job of reviewing a story into a boring chore of feeding a writers ego.

**I'm Crap at descriptions please read:** No. If you aren't able to write a 250 character description of a story you wrote then that is almost a guarantee that what you have wrote is terrible in the eyes of many readers.

**Insulting a reviewer in a private message/ the next chapter:** Oh god. This is being an arsehole to the extreme. If someone has taken the time to give you feedback on your story you have no write to insult them. If they have insulted you or your story be the bigger and better person and leave them alone. Remember the rules of the internet "Don't feed the Paraprites/ Trolls"

**Insulting another story: **Whether in the description, in the story itself or even a review, never ever outright insult another story. This includes popular Fics. If someone has poured there free time and energy into a story you should not insult there story. That is being a Troll.

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**A final word V2:**

I know that on the previous chapter it says I've finished and that I won't add more chapters to this but I had some final tips to get off my chest and I need your help. I just want to thank you all for reading this and I hope you can help me:

That right, the writer of the guide to writing Self Inserts needs help writing a self insert. As I have noticed is that there is one thing I can not do: Write action. I am terrible at that. As readers of Mass & Energy may have noticed is quite frankly any action in my chapters is always cut short or is crap. So, I need YOU to give me tips on how to write a first person action chapter of Liara's Recruitment mission in Mass Effect One. This can be anything, from simple one line hints to an entire extract of what you would do. Any and all helpers will have a shout out in my next chapter and perhaps Cameos for the extremely useful. If you don't read Mass & Energy and are just doing it to be helpful then good for you, have an internet.

_**And of course, in case you haven't realised by now**_

_**Empeorie were done here... **_


	5. The challenge and the end

_**So you're in a self insert? A writers guide**_

_**challenge**_

Evening one and all. Welcome to a extremely short and the actual final chapter of this Fanfic. But do not fear fans, right now I am working on a sequel to this story when it occurred to me that I need a second opinions. Perhaps even a new perspective. New hints, tips and tricks. This is where my Challenge comes in:

Starting on the 13th December and lasting till the 15th of January every single one of you have the opportunity to write chapter 2 of "So you're in a self insert? A writers guide 2: Electric bogaloo. All you have to do Is send me via Private message or review either just a paragraph about a certain aspect of Fanfiction or maybe even an entire chapter. The best shall be condensed into the 2nd chapter of the guide. So, to repeat. Send in your tips and hints and see them appear in Chapter 2. All Kudos and Credits shall be given to you and perhaps even a interview with you guys!

So, send in your guides and affect the future of Mass Effect Fanfiction. Because god knows there's been a lot of SI's recently. Anyone who has this on story alert may want to remove it as I shall not be updating this again. Good luck, get writing and remember:

_**Empeorie were done here...**_


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